Crowe Signs for Town

Report by our man with his finger on the pulse of the Fictionball nation... ...Harry Quimm

Crisis club Hollywood Town moved to strengthen their team this week after the double sending off of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston against Sporting Anchors. The Aniston dismissal left them with a major problem as she was the only goalkeeper at the club. Town boss, Martin Scorsese, had already received criticism from some quarters for not bringing in cover for Aniston earlier. However, New Zealand born Russell was available and could be a wise investment by the Los Angeles club, unless of course, his infamous bad temper gets Hollywood in to even more disciplinary problems.

Another player on the move this week is Simon Amstell. After four appearances for the TV Presenters, the midfielder, who has also been approached by Standup United decided to move down a level to play for the Sausage Jockeys. Amstell defended his decision to move out of the Premiership, "The Jockeys are an ambitious club and I'm sure I will be back in the Premiership with them this time next year." Amstell will be available for the non-league club's visit to Sporting Anchors in the Christ Nail Cup.