Report by Austin Allegro
In a round of very few shock results it took an own goal by Yorkshire chef, James Martin, to give the underdogs a rare victory. The England Gaffers are a newly formed club with limited resources. They are made up of the 15 past England managers and the current national squad coach, Fabio Capello. But what they lack in numbers they made up with a true bulldog spirit to thwart one of the Fictionball in-form teams, the Pancake Tossers. Chances were few and far between and there were no shots on goal to worry either Winterbottom or Worrall Thompson between the sticks at either end. Walter Winterbottom wasn't a goalkeeper in his playing career, but no former keeper has ever managed England. Not long before half time Glenn Hoddle lobbed a ball in to the a
rea for Peter Taylor to latch on to, but the unfortunate Martin (pictured right) was first to the ball and his attempted clearance was sliced in to the top corner to leave the dwarf-like Worrall-Thompson helpless in goal. After that the Tossers became frustrated as they couldn't get passed Mercer and Greenwood in defence. Their frustration spilled over and Zilli, Harriott and Martin all received yellow cards and the Gaffers held out for an historic victory.
rea for Peter Taylor to latch on to, but the unfortunate Martin (pictured right) was first to the ball and his attempted clearance was sliced in to the top corner to leave the dwarf-like Worrall-Thompson helpless in goal. After that the Tossers became frustrated as they couldn't get passed Mercer and Greenwood in defence. Their frustration spilled over and Zilli, Harriott and Martin all received yellow cards and the Gaffers held out for an historic victory.The only other non-league side to make it through to round two were the Popsters. James Morrison, Louise Nurding and Darius Danesh scored a goal each to see off Canvas City 3-0. Hollywood Town put their poor league form behind them to record the biggest win of the round. Romano, Barrymore, Depp, Damon and Washington all scored in a 5-1 victory over the Famous Belgians. The influential Adam Sandler picked up an injury after a bad tackle from Eddy Merckx and could be out for a couple of games.
The Sporting Anchors rode their luck against the Sausage Jockeys but came through with a last-gasp injury time goal from Jeff Stelling. Unbelievably, Ray Stubbs, the Anchors keeper, opened the scoring when his goal kick from the edge of his own area carried on the wind before bouncing over an unsuspecting George Michael in goal. The home fans jeered at the former Wham! star for the rest of the match. Will Young pulled the Jockeys back in to it with a headed goal just after half time but Sky presenter Stelling grabbed the late late winner five minutes in to injury time with a scuffed shotl in a goalmouth scramble.
The most incident packed game was between FC Totalitarian and the Indie Kings. German dictator Adolf Hitler scored early on to put the Totalitarians in command. General Pinochet was booked on the half hour mark after his elbow caught Morriss
ey in the eye. This seemed to spark a war of attrition between the two sides and just before half time Bernard 'Barney' Sumner (pictured, left) launched a two-footed tackle on former Philippine president, Ferdinand Marcos. Marcos' leg was shattered in two places and the referee had no option but to dismiss the New Order front man. Marcos will be out for the rest of the season and the best part of next according to the latest reports. The half time break did little to calm down the two sets of players but Chairman Mao added a second against the ten-man Kings. Just 14 minutes later he was also to leave the field on a stretcher after Matt Bellamy went in high on the former Chinese leader. Later, Fidel Castro was lucky not be sent off when he got involved with Indie hard man Mark E Smith. Smith appeared to take a fall (if you pardon the pun) after Castro laid a hand on his head but the referee gave the Cuban the benefit of the doubt.
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