Christ Nail Cup - 1st Round Draw

Report by our man on the spot, Lance Spoonbender.

At a glittering ceremony in London's bustling West End, the draw for the first round of the Christ Nail Cup was made. This is the first of two knockout competitions to be competed for by the Fictionball Premiership clubs and an additional 12 non-league clubs. The 32 teams were drawn out by Danny La Rue (home teams) and Vincent Price (away teams).

Real Comics, the current Fictionball leaders, were given a home tie against Steel City. Second placed Pancake Tossers have a tricky away game against England Gaffers who will be keen to provide one of the upsets of the round. The Gaffers are comprised of every manager that has been in charge of the England international football team. God Squad will have to make their second trip of the season to Newscasters United; Hathor scored the winner in a five-goal thriller there in August. The other team that has scored maximum points in the league is World Leaders XI; they have been drawn away to Decomposed Composers. The likes of Chopin, Wagner, Brahms and Liszt will be keen to pit their wits against Bush and the boys.

Fulchester United will not be looking forward to playing their visitors. Serial Killers United have the most awesome and terrifying line up yet. Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Fred West and Pedro Lopez are just some of the players that will be hoping to put one over the Viz cartoon characters. Struggling Sporting Anchors will be hoping the cup brings some relief and they couldn't have hoped for an easier tie than Sausage Jockeys at home. The unfancied team of gays are unlikely to pose any threat to the Anchors with a team made up of Will Young, Matt Lucas, Boy George, Simon Amstell and other such turd burglars.

The full draw is as follows:

Popsters	v	Canvas City
Standup United	v	Tory Town
Decomposed Composers	v	World Leaders XI
Fulchester United	v	Serial Killers United
Newscasters United	v	God Squad
Hollywood Town	v	Famous Belgians
Hitchhikers Argyle	v	Chat Show Hosts
Total Wankers	v	TV Presenters
Real Comics	v	Steel City
Actors UK	v	Walford Town
Weatherfield Rovers	v	Pious Athletic
England Gaffers	v	Pancake Tossers
Sporting Anchors	v	Sausage Jockeys
Rocking OAP	v	Footy Commentators XI
FC Totalitarian	v	Indie Kings
Isobar Rangers	v	Atheist Allstars

Ties to be played week commencing 22nd September 2008

The Christ Nail Cup is sponsored by the Still Band. You can download the excellent album The Christ Nail at the band's website: www.stillband.com

Please note: The views expressed by Lance Spoonbender are not necessarily the views of either the Fictionball Federation, Still Band or this blog, especially the rather crude comments about homosexuals.