Week 03 - Newscasters Hit Chat Show Hosts For Six

Newscasters United notched up their first win in style with a 6-0 hammering of the Chat Show Hosts who also had Parky sent off to make things worse.  Real Comics held on to top spot by the skin of their teeth with a late winner.  The Pancake Tossers are pushing them hard as they saw off Isobar Rangers,  the God Squad made it three wins from three with another 3-2 victory and the World Leaders kept up their 100% record away to Fulchester.

Featured Match: Footy Commentators XI v God Squad

Report by Sebastian Gash

Jonathan Pearce made his first appearance of the season for the Commentators as he replaced the suspended Ian Darke.  Darke was dismissed near the end of his teams 4-1 win at Weathervane Park against Isobar Rangers.  Also sent off last week was Zeus, the main God about town in Greek land, he was replaced by Hotei, otherwise known as the Laughing Buddha and a bit of an all round lucky God.  As if the Gods required any more luck as they sat pretty in the top five of the Fictionball Premiership.

The game started slowly with no indication of the goal action to follow.  Only an early booking for Martin Tyler livened up proceedings when he upended Apollo just outside the penalty area.  From the free kick, instead of going for the shot Monkey lifted the ball over to the unmarked Mercury, but he headed wide.  Then on 14 minutes there was a terrible mix up in the Gods defence when the bearded Bochica sold Loki the Gods keeper short with a poor back pass.  With Pearce bearing down on him, Loki managed to reach the ball first.  However, his sliced clearance rebounded off the unfortunate Monkey and rolled in to the empty net.

The Commentators then had to endure a period of sustained pressure from the Gods with Hathor looking rather dangerous.  But it took the deities 38 minutes to even things up, and it was Mars who got them back on level terms with a delicious half volley from the edge of the area that gave Alan Green no chance.  Now with their tails up the Gods went in front.  Yahweh sprinted down the left and squared to Hathor who placed her shot neatly inside the left post.

Half Time: Footy Commentators XI   1   God Squad   2

As you would expect, the Commentators came out fighting in the second half.  Alan Parry squandered a couple of chances to level and Mike Ingham missed an open goal when it was easier to score.  The Gods haven't quite got their defence sorted and they are always likely to concede goals.  Hotei, in his first game for the Gods, was keen to take his chance and looked lively up front.  He got his reward on 75 minutes when a Mercury clearance fell to him midway in the Commentators half.  He ran with the ball to the edge of the box before unleashing a shot that took a wicked deflection off Clive Tyldsley to leave Green flat-footed.

Their two goal advantage didn't last long though.  King of commentators, Tony Gubba, collected the ball and made a mazy Archie Gemmill type run, beating three defenders before curling a shot in to the top corner.  Despite more pressure the Commentators couldn't force an equaliser.  Guy Mowbray showed his frustration and received a yellow card.  The Gods held out but they will be glad to be on home soil in their next game in a fortnight's time, because their two away games have shown that they can be fragile at the back.

Final Score: Footy Commentators   2   God Squad   3

Teams

Footy Commentators

Green, Motson, Tyler, Helm, Tyldsley, Mowbray, Brackley, Parry, Gubba, Ingham, Pearce.

God Squad

Loki, Atlas, El-Dorado, Bochica, Mercury, Hathor, Mars, Yahweh, Monkey, Hotei, Apollo.

Goals: Monkey (OG) (14'), Mars (38'), Hathor (43'), Hotei (75'), Gubba (76').

Bookings: Tyler, Mowbray.

Other Matches

Rubber-faced funnyman, Rowan Atkinson, made sure Real Comics stayed top of the pile with another two goals against Indie Kings.  His second came in the dying seconds after Pete Doherty looked to have earned the Kings a point.  French chef, Raymond Blanc, bagged a couple of goals against the hapless weathermen (and women) to seal their third win.  Ainsley Harriott had opened the scoring for the Tossers but Ian McCaskill equalised.  But Blanc had the last say with two headed goals.  The World Leaders XI Were comfortable winners at Fulchester.  Mbeki scored twice before half time.  UK premier, Gordon Brown, got himself sent off after a terrible tackle on Johnny Fartpants but Jintao ensured there was to be no fight back by the Viz team.  His cross-cum-shot evaded everyone and left Billy the Fish embarrassed in the Fulchester goal.  Buster Gonad got a consolation goal in time added on.  

Newscasters United ran riot at home to the Chat Show Hosts. It was still 0-0 just before half time but United full back Sally Magnusson followed up a rebound to put them one up.  The Hosts capitulated after the break as Trevor McDonald pounced in the six yard box to score from close-range twice before Michael Parkinson saw red for pulling back Huw Edwards.  Sophie Raworth added another goal on 78 before Assad Ahmad and Edwards piled on the agony for the Hosts.

Sporting Anchors' nightmare start to the season continued with a 3-1 defeat at the Recreation Ground At The End Of The Universe.  Hitchhikers Argyle finally got their first win with goals from Lintilla, Colluphid and Halfrunt.  Gary Lineker was once again the Anchors only shining light with his third goal of the season.