Featured Match: Sporting Anchors v Indie Kings
Report by Baldy Larsson
The Frank Bough Memorial Stadium was packed to the rafters for the first league match of the season. The Anchors team has been built up by the critics as one of the favourites to be the very first winners of the Fictionball Premiership so there was a sense of excitement amongst the fans. With the likes of Lineker and Gray up front and the bubbly enthusiasm of Kamara in midfield it is fully expected that this team make mincemeat of the likes of today's visitors.
Captain Richard Keys was available after an injury scare threatened to rob him of his debut while the Indie Kings were able to put out a full strength side with ex-Smiths singer, Morrissey, wearing the skipper's arm band.
The first ten minuted passed without incident as the Anchors tried to take the initiative against the cautious Kings. The game livened up slightly when Chris Kamara went in hard on Pete Doherty. The Babyshambles and former Libertines star required treatment on his left cheekbone but soon recovered. The alternative music men took this opportunity to regroup and gradually began to assert themselves and the nimble Doherty had a shot saved by the stocky Ray Stubbs in goal. At the other end Kings' keeper Alex Kapranos was fortunate to escape with a yellow when he bundled in to the raiding Matt Lorenzo. Gabriel Clarke saw his resulting free kick end up in the crowd.
On 26 minutes the crowd were silenced when Doherty slipped the ball through to the impressive Paul Smith; he rounded Stubbs and slipped the ball home to the
delight of the handful of Indie fans in the crowd. The Maximo Park front man's finish was reminiscent of Lineker himself. Muse axeman, Matt Bellamy, is expected to be one of the stars of the league and he doubled the Kings' lead with a poacher's goal on 33 minutes. A long clearance down the channel from veteran Bernard Sumner found Alex Turner unmarked and he immediately lashed a shot in at goal, Stubbs could only parry the ball away and Bellamy pounced for what could be the first of many goals this season.
This stunned the sports presenters in to action but they struggled to find their way past Ricky Wilson and Damon Albarn in the heart of the Indie defence. Doherty was booked for a dive just before half time and it stayed 2-0 to the visitors at the break.
Half Time: Sporting Anchors 0 Indie Kings 2
The Anchors must have had a good talking to from coach David Coleman for they came out all guns blazing for the start of the second half. They knocked on the door several times and Lineker finally pushed it open as he finished off in typical fashion after good work from Jeff Stelling. But just when you thought the comeback was on the cards the Indie Kings shut up shop and saw the game out, much to the frustration of the expectant home crowd. There were a few nervous moments in injury time and Albarn had to haul down Andy Gray outside the box for which he received a yellow card. Lorenzo's curling free kick didn't really trouble Kapranos in goal and the Indie boys held on for a fantastic victory.
Final Score: Sporting Anchors 1 Indie Kings 2
Teams:
Sporting Anchors
Stubbs, Rosenthal, Inverdale, Rider, Keys (c), Kamara, Clarke, Lorenzo, Stelling, Gray, Lineker.
Indie Kings
Kapranos, Sumner, Barat, Wilson, Albarn, M E Smith, Morrissey, Turner, Bellamy, P Smith.
Goals: P Smith (26), Bellamy (33), Lineker (66).
Bookings: Kamara, Kapranos, Doherty, P Smith, Albarn.
Other Matches
The team made up of various deities, the God Squad, are hotly fancied for the title, mainly because they have more power than the mere mortals they are pitched against week in week out. They certainly made their intentions clear with a 3-0 beating of the Chat Show Hosts. It was always going to be a difficult trip for the Hosts; not many coaches, planes or trains go in the direction of the God Squads' ground up in the sky. But at least the visitors were able to catch up with Russell Harty and talk about the good old times, especially that beating from Grace Jones! After that though, it was all downhill as Yahweh's brace and a goal from Monkey brought all three points to the Gods. A missed penalty by Fern Britten and a red card for Clive Anderson compounded the Hosts misery.
Old Totalitarians came unstuck against Standup United; the comedians won 2-0 thanks to Dara O'Briain's opener and an awful own goal by Adolf Hitler as he sliced it past the surprised Franco in goal. The TV chef team, the Pancake Tossers, got off to a solid start away to Hollywood Town. Irish potato slicer, Paul Rankin, scored just after the interval and the Yorkshire Pudding himself, James Martin, headed home to finish off the resistance of the Oscar chasers. On a sour note for the Tossers, Graham Kerr won't be the Galloping Gourmet for a few weeks as his hamstring snapped with 20 minutes to go. Watch out for the Real Comics this season, they took three points from Hitchhikers Argyle with a 2-0 victory. Peter Kay converted a first half penalty after a clumsy challenge on Adrian Edmondson by three-titted full back Eccentrica Gallumbits. Homer Simpson finished off Argyle with a strike from the edge of the box after a Dave Spikey corner was half cleared by Ford Prefect.
1 comments:
Although a disapointing start, don't write off the Hitchhikers! I would bet my childs dinner on them! I have personally slept with a number of the players, and have seen their true grit! Oh, actually, that could have been their true shit come to think of it! Still, i can see them coming from behind! Again and again, this season! I see them only finishing on top come the climax!
The Gods have started strong, but they will fail! I know this to be true. Don't ask me how, it just came to me, like a voice in the night! I have seen, and i believe!
Can't wait till next week!!!
Come on you Hitchhikers!!
Still
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